I can’t stand this anymore! Why am I even still attending classes in college!? Why should I get a career? It’s over!
My life was over the minute cholinergic urticaria showed up! I can’t do anything! I can’t leave my apartment, I can’t exercise.. I can’t even make friends because I get nervous when I meet new people!
I can deal with getting a little nervous, but I can’t deal with cholinergic urticaria. Every day is Hell. The only reason I am still in college is because I am terrified of my father who wants me to get a degree and get a job. He keeps telling me “You’re a man you can handle it”.
Sometimes I wish he feels how I feel so he stops forcing me to stay in college. I want to kill myself. I swear I would have done it if it wasn’t a sin in my religion. I’ve tried a lot of pills, body lotion, creams, weight loss, BUT NOTHING WORKS!! It just keeps getting worse. I need help.
-Ali
Ryan says
You need to power through man, when I was at sixth form very day I got itchy I instantly bought a bottle of cold drink to keep myself relaxed kept telling myself I’m fine to take it off my mind, try sweat therapy every day you need to exercise and sweat everyone with urticaria stops itching when they are sweating
Sally says
Hey,
First off, it sucks to hear the experience you’re going through. No doubt CU’s frustrating, inhibiting, and a huge pain to deal with so I really do hope all the best for you. I can understand the feeling of just wanting to get away from it–anything would be better than having to deal with it every day.
I’m not sure if you’re looking for advice but if there’s anything that’s helped me live with these symptoms, it’s understanding the triggers. I began to see the symptoms as something that needed addressing, rather than something that needed to be avoided or as a separate entity. As much as I hated to admit it, the CU is a part of me and quite frankly, I needed to deal with it. This might sound like sucky advice but I think it was changing my mindset that really helped me in dealing with CU.
You’ll find that some people on this site have changed their lifestyles, diet, medications, etc. and it seems to really help them. If this is for you, I’d encourage you to look into it. I can’t offer much on these areas though because I never really looked into them myself–I relied more on changing my attitude, how I reacted to things (anger, sadness, anxiety, etc.) since emotions played a large role in the symptoms. I started to gain some confidence in what my skin looked like during exercise (sure it freaked people out. Hell, it freaked me out. But the symptoms were itchy and bloating…not painful. It didn’t jeopardize my health so I continued with exercise). I’m not sure how your symptoms are triggered or how your body responds to them so this advice might not be very helpful.
Bottom line: I strongly believe there are adjustments that can be made in life to help with CU that don’t involve suicide. It takes time, lots of trial and error, and can be disappointing at times–but it’s achievable. I really do hope you find that balance, if not a cure. Please do keep me posted on your experience and all the best to you.
Sally
Hivesguy says
Hey, Ali.
There are already some great comments here, but I just wanted to tell you that I can relate to what you’re feeling. First, is there any chance you could take online classes at your university until you get your hives under control? If not, would transferring to one that does allow online classes be an option? That would get your dad off your back while still allowing you to pursue your education.
Even though you feel like your life is over, I can assure you that it’s not. In fact, you’ll probably look back at this later on and be so thankful that you got through it.
Suicide never really does solve anything. I know it’s tempting to want an exit from this corrupt and sin-soaked world, but you need to keep fighting because there’s a great chance that you’re going to overcome this and live a good and happy life. Just have faith in that and don’t give up on that idea.
Keep pressing forward. Don’t give up.
Ali says
I can only take one online class per semester because I have a scholarship policy… It’s complicated… but if I don’t get better I will try to convince them to make me take all my classes online.
Hayden says
I don’t know if it will work for everyone, but I take Alegra and Zantac together every morning and I’ve never had any symptoms while on it.
Hivesguy says
Thanks for sharing that, Hayden.
Ali says
What are the things that trigger CU for you? I am just curios.
Niaz Mohammad says
Dear Ali
Your mail reminds me of the feelings when i was a boy like you age16. I also thought that my life was over. I coped with it and am leading a successful life .
And you know , i have a great news to share with all of my friends suffering from CU that i have found a solution and if God willed all of us will be free from this disease. In a couple of days you will see my detailed letter in a hurry only for you.
Niaz Mohammad,
Swat Pakistan
Ali says
When I told my friends about it they told me I was a freak. I told them I thought I was too until I saw this website 🙂
Michele says
I understand exactly what you are saying because I hear the same from my daughter. She is 14yrs old and has had Aquagenic and Cholinergic Urticaria for the past year. It is horrible!! It began all of a sudden. Reasearch has shown puberty is a trigger for this in young girls. She has always been in sports such as gymnastics team 4yrs and swim team. Well, swim team didnt work out too well when she would have the blisters and welts all over her body! Her throat closing was a good sign time to quit! She can’t run, excersise, be in heat, cry, or rain. PE at school didn’t go well. All of these make her break out in hives everywhere. Showers have been horrible but now we have discovered she sprays on Banana Boat Sport sunscreen ( water resistant suncreen) prior to getting in a quick shower or water and washes her body quickly right before she gets out. This is preventing the hives from a quick shower for bout the past 2weeks. All treatments and medications seem to help for a little while like maybe a month or two and then she needs a new medication. A 14yr old having to explain she can’t do something cause shes allergic to water gets a shocking reaction and hard to believe but truth. It is no chemicals in the water. Just water. So, I am just trying to explain my daughter has both types of chronic urticaria. Please know there are so many other people with the same condition and if you can take a shower and go swimming consider yourself luckier than my daughter. She feels like her life is over and the exact same way you feel. I wanted to reach out to you to share her story briefly and tell you to hang in there. She is currently taking Singulair 10 MG and Levocetrizine 5MG at bedtime so we shall see if this helps. I have felt lost in a medication dungeon! Singulair is used for different things such as resperatory conditions, but also used to help hives. These meds were given by a dermatologist so you know. When she breaks out it happens very badly on her hands ( along with othe places each time). They welt up so bad and she cant even move her fingers or wrists! They burn and I cant tell her to run them under cold water. I feel so helpless as a parent trying to cure her baby! I refuse to ever put her on steroids which is what has been reccommended so many times. That is not even a guaranty will work in the first place. If these meds work I will let you know or if I find anything else. Good luck to you and thank you for sharing your story also. My daughter read it and helps her to know there is more than just her feeling the way she does.
Ali says
It really is painful to hear that a 14 year old kid has CU. When I take a shower it usually don’t get me but when I take a bath I do feel itchy.
I don’t think any pills will work for CU because I’ve tried a lot of them… Hope your daughter gets better
mason says
Dont worry ali, I’m 16 years old and ive had CU for 4 years now and let me tell you i thought my life was over as well but we all get through i one day at a time. Apart from summe–forget that season.