The past couple of days I have been having quite a few hives attacks. First it started with a trip to my mother’s house with my wife. I was outside with my nephew “fighting”. For some reason, he always tries to drag me outside to “fight” (which simply means sword fighting with sticks). He loves it, so I play along.
Anyway, it was a very chilly day of around 40-50 degrees, and after some “fighting” I took my jacket off. We continued until suddenly I experienced a pretty annoying attack of hives. I must have sat there and itched for like 5-7 minutes straight until they finally went away. It gets so annoying having to do that.
That was just the beginning. Later on, I was helping my mother hookup some cables to her TV. She keeps it very hot in her house (lucky me), and of course I began breaking out into unbearable itching while I was attaching the equipment. I had to stop and open windows and cool off before I could continue.
And then, as if that wasn’t enough, my wife was trying out this new salsa recipe her mamaw gave her. I know to avoid spicy foods since they tend to raise our body temperatures and cause a reaction, however, I didn’t think the salsa was going to be that spicy.
After eating only a couple of tortilla chips in the salsa, I began getting the little prickly/itching sensation on my forehead. So I had to stop eating them right away. It was so itchy too, and it feels like it is just beneath the skin’s surface where you can almost scratch it, but you just barely miss it.
On top of all of that, I have been having a few episodes of hives in my sleep. I will wake up hot and itching, and have to cool myself off, or just lay there until it ends. It isn’t fun at all.
But anyways, I get so sick and tired of having this stupid hives stuff to deal with. I have to literally stop and think before I do something to make sure I won’t have an attack. I can’t go most places, at least, not without a hive attack. It hurts and itches severely. And it just isn’t fun.
I sometimes lay in bed at night and think to myself, “why me?” Why do I have this? Why do I have to be tortured like that. I am young. I am not perfect by any means, but I haven’t done anything to warrant this torture. Why can’t some murderer, thief, woman beater, or really “bad guy” have this instead of me? Will this condition ever go away, and if so when? Am I going to be doomed to live a life of torture like this?
Needless to say I get pretty down in the dumps sometimes. I hate it. To add fuel to the fire it is kind of annoying when people don’t really understand what we go through. I know they try, but unless you have felt the pain and itching–there is no understanding. It is terrible. I have had poison ivy, mosquito bites, chicken pox, and more. Nothing even comes close to this torture called cholinergic urticaria.
What makes it even worse is that I live in this crappy apartment with paper thin walls. The apartment itself is actually nice and it was brand new when we moved in about 3 years ago. But I can’t go outside (neighbors everywhere and I hate small talk every day), I can’t filter water to see if that helps, and I honestly feel like a prisoner of war.
Almost daily I live in solitude hearing the neighbor to my left drop stuff and talk on the phone all day. While my neighbor to the right enjoys having extremely loud “intimacy” with their same sex partner every other day (which is gross because I don’t want to hear anyone having intimacy), and allowing their relatives’ young kids come over almost daily and cry and stomp around all day. I can hear it so loudly, it is almost as if they are inside of my apartment.
Literally the only thing that gets me through it is the fact that my wife will be graduating with her degree in nursing within the next 5 months, and finally we will be able to apply for a mortgage loan for a house and move out of this place. I can’t help but feel as if having a house will make my life 1,000 times better. I am literally counting the seconds…
Not only will I finally have some peace and quite when I get a house (something every human deserves), but I will also be able to try many experiments I have been wanting to try. For example, I can try filtering the water system, growing my own organic fruits and veggies, experimenting with a steam/sauna room, getting more sun exposure/outdoor activity, make my house dust mite-proof, and so much more. Not only that, but aside from doing stuff for the hives I can actually listen to music loudly. I can watch TV without having to turn it down during the loud parts. I can actually do a few hobbies such as building stuff, or fixing my vehicles. I really feel as if having a house will help me get rid of these hives, or at least make life more bearable and the hives more manageable and less intense. Here is a tip if you are young and considering moving out of your parent’s house: APARTMENTS SUCK-and if you ever think about getting one, you better make sure you can’t hear your neighbors! If I could go back, I think I would prefer a cardboard box on the street.
I usually try to maintain a positive attitude about all of this. If I didn’t, I don’t think I could survive it. The hope that one day I can live a normal life again helps me to wake up every morning. The fact that I know there are others that suffer through this as well helps tremendously. The hope that one day it will go away keeps me fighting. I just hope that one day the cause will be figured out, or a cure, or at least a reasonable treatment that works. Or even better it just goes away forever and never comes back.
I know that some people have it worse, and we should focus on that and be thankful that we don’t have something worse. We could have terminal cancer. We could have a condition that makes us completely disabled. We could have an amputation or other serious medical problem. So I am definitely thankful for that.
But at the same time I can’t help but notice how so many people around me have it better. They don’t have to worry about Cholinergic Urticaria. They don’t have to worry about anything. They can eat what they want, do what they want, and nothing. No itching, no nothing. They can workout and sweat as the human body is supposed to do it. They can run outside with no worries. They can wear a sweater on a cold day without worrying about getting to hot and developing hives inside of a building.
Oh well. That is enough ranting and whining I guess. I am sorry to anyone that reads this, and I hope I didn’t bring you down. I just get so tired of it, and I am sure most of you do as well. Maybe you can relate with some of the stuff I wrote, and that will help you knowing that I understand the crap we all have to go through. I just hope this goes away soon for all of us. We deserve paradise after suffering through this.
By the way, I can’t help but notice how much better I feel. Talking to people about your feelings (even online), and ranting about it, really helps by the way! I actually feel so much better now that I am proof-reading this post. Like a weight has been lifted off. If you ever feel overwhelmed with this, I would highly recommend talking to someone close about it. If you have no one, you are welcome to open a thread on the forum and vent about it, and I will be glad to relate and talk with you.
So let me end this post on a positive note. We have been through crap with this condition. But we aren’t going to let it win, are we? No,– we will wake up again and fight and hope and one day we won’t have this. After all, it supposedly “goes away” one day for most people. One day we can look back and think, “wow, that was crazy when I broke out in hives all the time.” We can tell our kids stories. We can help others who are just getting CU. Maybe we can write a best selling book about our trials and suffering, and perhaps become multimillionaires. Never say never! We will beat this. We will fight the good fight my friends. We will be victorious! Let’s just hang in there.
UPDATE: 1/21/13 This is an old archived post, and I have made more recent posts regarding my new diet and how I was able to finally get my hives under control. Read more about it on my cholinergic urticaria diet page. What I essentially did was keep a journal and do several allergy elimination diets.